Emotional security plays an extremely important role in a relationship. Without it, it is difficult to create a successful relationship; you may even feel that you are constantly wearing a mask and living in insecurity as a couple. A person who has not experienced a secure relationship in early childhood may remain distrustful of people, even those closest to them. He or she is accompanied by a fear of intimacy and rejection and therefore does not express his or her emotions and needs directly. People representing an anxious-ambivalent attachment style are primarily afraid of rejection if they prove to be insufficiently good to their partner. In contrast, people with an avoidant attachment style view closeness as threatening and overwhelming. Emotional distance provides them with a sense of security.
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Can the non-avoidant attachment style be made more secure?
Most parents demonstrate responsiveness, or the ability to tune in to the child and his or her needs. When a young person can count on a parent’s attention and adequate response, they develop a secure attachment style. However, it is not always the case that the main attachment figure (the caregiver) shows attentiveness and sensitivity to the toddler’s needs. When this happens, the child has to adopt an appropriate strategy that enhances his or her chances of survival. This, although extremely useful in childhood, can make it difficult to build romantic relationships in adulthood. Fortunately, attachment style is modifiable thanks to the plasticity of the brain; for some people, simply being aware of the problem is enough, others need professional psychological support. Often, a relationship with a partner with a secure attachment style helps to change maladaptive beliefs about relationships and intimacy.
Safe base and safe haven – what role do they play in a relationship?
To help you understand the process of strengthening a secure attachment in a relationship, I will introduce you to two concepts. Understanding them and putting them into practice will benefit the relationship.
– A safe haven is a state in which partners show support for each other in different ways. It is extremely important especially during difficult experiences such as redundancy, serious illness, death of a parent etc. Everyone sometimes finds themselves at a bend in life and needs support.
– In building a successful romantic relationship, a secure base is also very important. By this term is meant a state in which partners encourage each other to grow and explore unknown areas. A secure base is very important when implementing life changes, including expanding professional skills or devoting time to newly discovered passions.
How do you spot expressions of support from your partner?
Problems in a relationship often stem from a lack of attentiveness and understanding. Not everyone notices the expressions of support that come from their partner. These may include, for example, a willingness to have a conversation and listen. On the other hand, when implementing change, it may be a safe base for the partner to take over some of the household duties. Everyone expresses their support in slightly different ways. It is worth learning to recognise them. A successful relationship is a symmetrical relationship in which both parties give and receive support. When the scales tip towards taking or giving, there is an imbalance that sooner or later becomes apparent.